ARE YOU SECRETLY A SCORPION?

We all have a secret scorpion nature. It’s true! However, it’s entirely possible that you are an actual scorpion. You might even be three scorpions in a trench coat. So exciting! This fun and simple quiz was crafted by the expert Quiz Design Professionals at creepycrawlyzoo.com to help you discover if you are indeed a scorpion. You might not be a scorpion, but there’s no way to know unless you take the quiz. Ready? Let’s go!

Q1: On a scale of one to five, how voracious are you?

1.   Not very voracious. 
2.   Somewhat voracious. 
3.   Voracious is a good word to describe me.
4.   Sorry, I didn’t hear the question. I was too busy being voracious. 
5.   LEMME AT MY PREY! I WILL KILL IT AND EAT IT FOR I AM THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF VORACITY! IS THAT A WORD? IT IS NOW! FOOD!

Q2: On a scale from one to four, how venomous are you?

1. Uh, not venomous at all, I think. 
2. I could maybe envenom, like, a small lizard.
3. Do not tempt me, or I shall rain crippling pain down upon you.
4. I’m from Australia, so…

Q3: Would you describe yourself as…

1. A featherless biped with broad, flat nails?
2. A venomous, nocturnal arachnid?
3. Having a body that is divided into two sections (the cephalothorax and abdomen), eight legs, grasping pincers, and a segmented tail (metasoma) with a stinger?

Q4: Do you glow under UV light?

1. No
2. I’ve never checked. Hang on, brb. No.
3. Yes

Q5: Thinking about food, do you prefer to eat…

1. Hamburgers, pizza, salads, noodles… stuff like that?
2. Lizards and small mammals?
3. Worms, insects, spiders, and sometimes other scorpions?

Q6: How many pairs of book lungs do you have?

1. What’s a book lung?
2. 2
3. 4

Are You a Scorpion? 

6-10 Points: Sorry, you’re not a scorpion. Keep trying! Maybe you’ll be a scorpion one day.

11-15 Points: You might be a scorpion. You might not be a scorpion. If you think you really are a scorpion, take the quiz again and make your answers more scorpion-y.

15+ Points: You are totally a scorpion! Go you! But what kind of scorpion are you? There are over 3,000 kinds of scorpions in the world (that we know of). If we had to guess, you are an Emperor Scorpion, a Giant Desert Hairy Scorpion, or an Arizona Bark Scorpion. Keep going to find out what kind of scorpion you really are.

Emperor Scorpion

If you live in the rainforest and/or the savannah in West Africa, and if you are one of the largest scorpions in the world, and if you have large, dark red pincers, and if you can sense vibrations through the hairs on your tail, congratulations! You are an Emperor Scorpion or Pandinus imperator. Your venom isn’t all that toxic, at least not to people. Do what you will with that information.

Giant Desert Hairy Scorpion

If you live in the Sonoran and Mojave deserts and dig big, complicated burrows, and if you are the largest scorpion in North America, and if you love to eat insects and spiders, and if you have a yellow-ish body and your body is covered in brown hairs, congratulations! You are a Giant Desert Hairy Scorpion or Hadrurus arizonensis. Your venom is also not all that toxic, at least not to people. 

Arizona Bark Scorpion

If you also live in the Sonoran Desert but are smaller, light brown, and prefer to hide under rocks and logs rather than dig burrows (so much effort!), and if you are one of a handful of scorpions that can climb trees and walls, congratulations! You are an Arizona Bark Scorpion or Centruroides sculpturatus. Your venom is toxic to humans, though it’s not usually fatal. 

Today is a great day! You’ve discovered that you’re a scorpion. Even better, you’ve found out what kind of scorpion you are. Go celebrate!